Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Political Chop Shop or The Telepromter-gate saga continues

I couldn't decide between the 2 headlines. So I went with both.

Why the "political chop shop"?

The political arena in general, reminds me of a seedy chop shop. Lots of de-co and re-construction. Although, I imagine the deconstruction that occurs in speech writing is more of the Derrida variety than The Sopranos variety. Either way, in the end, its still the same ole' beat up Camaro- but with a new alternator!....Public officials parroting the same populist line, but using different pretty words. It's like a game of refrigerator magnet poetry, but no matter what the outcome of the game, it always leads to more poor people getting fucked over. Blah,blah. The tea party, The coffee party...perhaps a "Red Bull party" is soon to come. Although,I imagine the more- caffeinated-than-thou Red Bull Party will shun the previous platforms altogether and circulate petitions for things like raising stripper's wages. Hmmmm, I can get behind that. Yes, we can.Yes, we can!

(Change I can believe in.)

I also imagine Red Bull Party conventions would be the only ones to end with a "final thought" from Chairman Jerry Springer.This isn't a such a stretch of the imagination either. The guy WAS the mayor of Cincinnati at one point.

Why "The Teleprompter-gate Saga Continues?"

Because any self- respecting scandal always attaches the word "gate" to the end of it's name. E.g. Watergate,Climategate,Troopergate.

Anyway, now that I've explained the reasons behind my dilemma between titles...

Where do we get off chastising politicians for doing what we do everyday?

You make grocery lists.

You use flash cards.

You Wikipedia cut-and-paste motha fuckers.

I know. I know. They're politicians. They're supposed to be these demi-goods with instant recall and Hydra slaying abilities...I don't think so.
Besides, politicians of that caliber have so much to do and remember every day. They don't even have time to TiVo Jersey Shore. That's how busy they are. They have much more to worry about than frantically trying to find the Spark Notes version of Catcher in the Rye after one too many games of Beer Pong the previous night. I'm looking in your direction Delta Tau Chi boy!

(You. The average college student. According to Hollywood.)

Let's stick to the issues at hand,shall we? Besides, there is so much more to raise a picket sign about with this administration. We could talk more about the blatant nepotism he used when it came to appointing Czars to his cabinet and beyond...or we could talk about how he's emblazoning every food stamp with his likeness.Wait, the latter one hasn't happened yet.
So, Teleprompter-gate continues, and it brings me to the most recent scandal. A scandal involving one politician who is no stranger to controversy, Mrs. Sarah Palin:

Sarah Palin: God wrote on his hand too

Yes. I'm sure that's how it all went down.

I can imagine God on Sunday, still exhausted from creating humans and scattering clues about his future son's life for Dan Brown to find....

So, He looks at the crib notes He wrote on His palm the previous day, but His palm is all sweaty...the instructions for Day 7 all smeared.

He sighs and thinks: "okay, okay, day 7: Gah.. gah.. gahrble..mufasa? ...ahh...forget it....It's my day off, I'm not even supposed to be here..."

So then, He pulls out his iPhone...looks through His contacts....Thinks to Himself..

"hmm. That Lucifer. Real quiet guy, always complaining that someone keeps stealing his stapler..but he seems like a real up-and-commer. I'll give him a shot.."

(Lucifer. According to eyewitness accounts from Mike and Gabe, The guys in the PR department. This was taken long before he quit,or got fired-depending on who you talk to.)

So He proceeds to dial the 666 on his speed-dial:

"Yo,Lucifer. Hey, It's God.I didn't get much sleep last night..and I still have all kinds of things to create on this other planet in the Andromeda galaxy. Can you cover my shift today?


"no, no, this planet earth is all done. It just needs some proof reading and editing...."

Of course Lucifer,this "real quiet guy",goes on to burn the place down Office Space style.This just goes to show you, there are certain tasks that management should never delegate to their subordinates...especially subordinates with grudges.

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