Monday, May 16, 2011

This Is Not A Date...

Yes, I have touched on the subject before..but I feel it merits reiterating..
Fellow lesbians... It is indeed possible to be invited to attend an event by another lesbian without a desire for romantic involvement. Complimenting your choice of hat does not mean I want to do the Sapphic samba with you.
If I've been calling you"buddy"on multiple occasions and it does not seem to register... I will have to resort to illustrating my point the American way!

With a wearable bright neon sign of course.

So, I designed this T-shirt to wear for such an occasion!

Look, there isn't a nanometer of sexual tension between us. The possibility of me running any bases with you tonight is about as remote as the possibility of me purchasing a parrot with Tourettes as a gift for my prim grandmother. So, please refrain from touching me anywhere that would get you fired for sexual harassment in a work environment.

That said.

How many shirts should I put you down for ladies?

Thursday, May 12, 2011

McDees impending fancy pants facelift....

So Mc Donald's is revamping its restaurants to more closely mimic the ambience at Starbucks. They are hoping that adding TV's and a few beanbag chairs will lure some hipsters into "lounging" at Mc Dees for a few hours while they surf the web and snub pop music.

I don't think the majority of McDonald's typical customers will give a fuck that they can now listen to Enya while they wait for their Big Mac.

.....and I don't think I will be overhearing a conversation between a guy and his date that goes like THIS any time soon, "Honey, I've canceled the reservations at Le Fleur in favor of this ritzy new McDonald's restaurant!"

Many people are a little embarassed to be be SEEN frequenting a Mc Donald's. I don't think there are many of us who would want to prolong a Mc Donalds's visit. You walk in, get what you paid for, avoid eye contact, hand over your money and get out. Visiting a McDonalds is a lot like visiting a hooker.

The only type of McDonald's customer who wants to "lounge" at McDonald's after the meal, is usually holding up a cardboard sign.

Your baby is not a fashion accessory...

Baby Bling...I don't understand it. Especially in today's economy....oh, sure you could invest those hundreds of dollars into a private school tuition fund..or you could buy your child a damn diamond encrusted pacifier. Your baby is not auditioning for some baby edition of the Jersey Shore.


Unless of course, your baby is starting an underground fight club.... Which this apparent miniature cage match arena at would suggest.....Hey now, baby bling=frivolous...but a baby is never too young to learn how to execute a proper round house kick!