Sunday, March 7, 2010

nothing cheers me up quite like posting joke personal ads on Craigslist


"May contain peanuts."

Ever wondered who lobbied the FDA to include this label on those snacks you so non-chalantly devour? That's Right. ;)
As a child, I had to regard each trick or treat fun-size bar I pulled out of my makeshift sack as a potential chocolate-covered poison dart that could put me in a coma.Few know the pain. I am good looking-save for the pencil sized trachaectomy scar on my neck.
I'm looking for a woman who can administer my Epi shots with all the grace and prestige of a Mayo clinic nurse.I share a swanky, dust-free apartment with my two hypo-allergenic cats: Sniffles and Atchoo. Some women collect shoes, i collect dust masks. I have a stylish, sickle and hammer bearing, red HEPA that was used by China's Premier, Wen Jiabao, during the S.A.R.S. epidemic! So, I may not be able to join you in blowing the seeds off dandelions in the springtime.....but on the plus side, I'll never ask for flowers for Valentine's Day....

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