Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hump Day Hilarity*

*Disclaimer: While every effort is made to deliver said hilarity. Hilarity is not guaranteed. Some settling of contents may occur, and amount of laughter may vary from reader to reader. Author assumes no responsibility for errands reader may procrastinate while reading this post.

So, my BK cashier of 2 months announced today that she is leaving me for another BK. Graveyard workers share a special bond. Not only will I miss our conversations about life while the rest of the world sleeps. The new guy doesen't yet posses the culinary expertise to master EVEN Jalapeno distributiuon on a Whopper. You know what I mean? There's a clusterfuck of Jalapenos on one corner, and the rest of the burger is barren. It's like navigating a Jalapeno landmine with your mouth. You take one bite and groan because you think they forgot your Jalapenos. Yet, It's too late to turn around. So you keep munching through your Whopper and taking sips of your drink in between bites. By the time you get to that last jalapeno stuffed bite...most of your drink is gone. On that surprise scalding bite, you're scrambling for your cell and getting the fire department on the phone. I'm like an R-rated Ricky Ricardo when I experience unexpected pain or delays in traffic. All kinds of Spanish swear words will pour out. I'll even make up new ones and rhyme that shit, "hijo de su....PUTA-BRON CHINGON MAMON!".

I try to avoid Fast food, but I do indulge in WHopper Wednesdays. Mostly because I hate Wednesdays, and it gives me something to look forward to on Wednesdays. I'm just glad I don't have a personal trainer I have to confess my caloric surplus sins to. I can only imagine our exchange:

"Forgive me Inge for I have sinned. I had a Whopper Value Meal on the Eve of
Wednesday the 29th."

"Your penance shall be 2 celery stalks and 50 Jumping Jacks."

<--This is what a personal trainer looks like right? All I know about personal trainers is what I saw watching exercise videos growing up. I've only seen them in captivity, who knows what they look like out in the wild.

Oh, right. I'm supposed to be blogging about my day....

'Have you ever been halfway through a home improvement project and feared ahead of time that you're setting yourself up for a Darwin award? Screw driver in my mouth, hammer in one hand. I'm grasping this wobbly table by it's 2 legs like some clown at a gay rodeo trying to put a pair of panties on a goat.

This is how i saw myself at the beginning of the project.:

This is how I saw myself halfway through :

<-but with Spanish cussing...

However, despite a few setbacks and a swollen thumb.....I'm happy to report that the table is tabling it up and the door is happy being a door again.

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