It's A Large World After All....

It has occured to me that I never really blog about my life as promised in the description..but, what is there to say?...other people's lives are always more interesting than my own...What did I do today? Let's see, I went out and bought enough provisions to last me through a Russian winter. If you must know, I have amassed enough Tampons to plug the BP oil leak out in the Gulf Coast.....

So, maybe one day I'll wax poetic about milk expiration dates or pitch a sit-com idea for a show about 'nothing' to CBS..but for now...I'll stick to what I've always done best, whatever that is....



<-and besides...I'd look terrible with a Jew-fro.

Candidates are always courting the black vote, the hispanic vote..... but what about the FAT vote? That's at least 30 % of the population. Hell, I'd win by a landslide in the South if I could sway that demographic!

It's no secret our collective girth is expaning..no matter how much we try to conceal our obesity by taking pictures in extreme overhead angles for our social networking profiles...

We're also becoming increasingly complacent with our predicament. ..There's even a soap opera on the latino channel Univision featuring a large female protagonsit called, "Llena de amor"(Full of Love). I haven't seen it, but I'm thinking it features the Cheetos Cheetah as her romantic co-star? I will have to ask my mom...

You know who I haven't heard about in awhile? Calista Flockhart. I have a sinking feeling that she fell into someone's 20 layer bean dip somewhere and was accidentally eaten last year. The world may never know.

I can't say "eating right" is not tough though. Bacon is the duct tape of food. You can wrap almost any subpar dish in bacon and fix it. One look at food porn website thisiswhyyourefat.com will make you want to disembowel your fridge and whip up one of these abominations.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100923/ap_on_he_me/eu_oecd_getting_fatter

We're getting bigger...and yet, our cars are getting smaller..When I first saw the 'smart car'..I thought some bored redneck had souped up a bumper car. Well, that story of those eggheads that drove across America with tanks full of cooking grease from fast food joints certainly gained considerable notorierity. Yet, the media almost largely ignored this one:

http://news.injuryboard.com/plastic-surgeon-turned-body-fat-into-fuel.aspx?googleid=253970

Yes, your love handles could be fueling your morning commute as we speak! My agenda: government liposuction clinics installed at select gas stations. I know it sounds like yet another one of my crackpot schemes..but it can't possibly be much more impractical than the government's "Cash for Clunker's" flop. I don't see McDonald's dropping the Big Mac off the menu anytime soon, so this will be as renewable of an energy source as it gets. I need to start campaigning at buffets and SUV dealerships as soon as I find a running mate. My only real concern is the diet pill cartels putting out a mob hit on me. If I am ever assasinated, question Jillian Michaels first.