Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Facebook,Vegan Lesbians...and other pervasive social phenomena that stagger my imagination.

Sorry, No pics this time. I needed sleep. Biological functions come first.

Remember those days when we dreaded an invitation from our neighbors to watch their vapid vacation slide shows? What followed was an agonizing half hour of CLICK-CLICK all delivered in a monotone voice that made Al Gore sound like John Madden in comparison. Damn, I never knew an African safari could be so boring. Pictures of the same damn thing in different angles....."Umm...This is the same picture?....Oh, I see. You're smirking on your left side instead of your right side in this one....Well this one-.....oh I see. You cast your shadow slightly more to the east."............Until you finally can't take it anymore. You start thinking those Guantanamo detainees had it easy....."What are you? a fuckin' sundial. Didn't you pose anywhere else?"
.....Sigh..but what about these days? These days...we scramble to click on those "kewl nu club pix" as soon as they hit our Facebook feed... 30 pics of the same friends you see every weekend-but sweating profusely and in slightly different bad lighting in each shot... Are we really this bored as a society??

"like. O.m.g! will this be BYOSTD? (Bring Your Own STD)........Do I get a complimentary Guidette slap upon entrance? lol. jk."

One use old folks may derive from Facebook:.....excellent way to keep track of names when Alzheimer's kicks on a picture matching the description of the person standing in from of you and Ta-Da!

So many of the more quirky, interesting lesbians are vegan...This creates some friction when it comes to dining choices....dinner and a movie suddenly become eating-at-home-before-I-pick-you-up and a movie. I don't just have to worry about whether I'm wearing too much cologne I also have to worry about whether I smell like a Whopper. I am who I am from the beginning..I'm not the type to simmer silently through dates filled with every possible condimentation of tofu and suddenly blurt out one day, "Bitch. I like steak!" So, I tend to voice my preferences for rare and medium rare from the beginning......I'm sorry. No broad is worth me giving up my George Foreman Grill. Don't get me wrong. I like tofu just fine. I'll eat a tofu stir fry lunch any long as it's accompanied by a grilled carcass of some sort later than night...

Some 7 year old-ish boy at Wal-Mart was tugging at his mom's sleeve the other day, insisting that she get him a pink Justin Bieber shirt......Aw, Isn't that adorable?......better start reserving a rental for 2 tuxedos at prom...and you better start reassuring the kid that he doesn't HAVE to be a cosmetologist or member of a boy band when he grows up.

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