Thursday, January 20, 2011

Aaaah, Lesbian Bars...

It is in my humble opinion....That we lesbians, as a species, take ourselves entirely too seriously.There is no station wagon on earth with enough trunk space to accommodate all of our neuroses...and we should be making light of our unique culture. We should be strutting our stuff and wiping criticisms off our unusually buff shoulders..Not getting the ACLU to sue Michael Savage.

....Mmm..Lesbian bars are the only bars where you can walk in and feel welcome no matter where you may be in your walk of life. You're never too old to be at the lesbian bar. Every lesbian bar has that Ted Danson looking dyke who looks old enough to have been in the Stonewall riots. If Jon Lovitz walked into a straight bar (or even a gay guy bar) the patrons would quietly mutter to themselves and shake their collective heads in pity ..but Jon lovitz could walk into a lesbian bar dressed like Miss Chi Chi Rodriguez and no one would bat an eyelash.

and I can now cross Resolution # 435 "Include at least one reference to drag queens in my blog this year" off my list.

Yes, A lesbian bar is the only place with dykes old enough to brag about having hooked up with Virginia Woolf (she's a top from what I heard from 'The Ted Danson dyke' by the way) and yet...somehow you having hooked up with Virginia Woolf is STILL less than 6 degrees of separation. Tsk.Tsk.

Sigh. Unfortunately, lesbian bars are so sparse; even in large cities...Thankfully, the camaraderie that exists between lesbians is such an unshakable bond. We will brave shitty overpriced drinks, dim lighting, and tables that are smushed closer together than Katy Perry's tits in a push-up bra. We do this just so we can dance it up with our sisters to the same damn songs we dance to in our cars on our commute to work.

Ah, and the question on any non-lesbian mind. Why DO we enjoy playing with another woman's boobs even though we have our own.I suppose, they're like snow globes. I know we have our own, but they're all so different, and oh so fun to shake. Okay, I have to get boobs off my mind, at least for a minute. Back to the clubs..and the shitty drinks.

"Hey ;)...what are you drinking there?"

"Blue Kool aid with a little Bacardi . what's yours?"

"PURPLE kool-aid with rubbing alcohol named after a euphemism for vagina"..

"oooh. How much was it?"

"My share of the electric bill this month"

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