Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome Appears To Be A Chronic Illness For Me....

I've taken to watching the news in the very early morning during my
breaks. I like to get my daily dose of national and local tragedy
before anyone else does. I'm that D-bag who kindly informs everyone
on your contacts list about the latest A-list celebrity death before
you get a chance to have the satisfaction of doing it yourself.

This particular morning, I found myself overcome with the type of
giggles normally reserved for when I'm watching The Big Bang Theory.....and not because the entire cast of Glee was flattened by a steamroller earlier today.***

No, it was the ads in between the news reports. Sure, most of them
were appropriate enough for the morning edition of the news. Ads for
coffee, breakfast cereals.......depression medication (Having to
trade the warmth of one's bed during the winter in favor of being
perched over a monitor for the next 8 hours will bring ANYONE to the
brink of depression.) .

What struck me as odd it the unusual amount of ads for Vagisil Wash in between the news reports. Don't get me wrong...I'm glad the eradication of vagina funkiness has entered the public
consciousness enough to merit re-curring ads during the morning
edition of the news. It's about time us women are given equal air
time to talk about our genitals and THEIR dysfunctions through
overzealous actors! (Perhaps some sort of affirmative action ruling brought this about?)

Nevertheless, I find myself eyeing this recent development with
suspicion. When did taking additional measures in vagina cleansing become a top priority in the morning routines of American women? Why has this not been made into a PSA
(Public Service Announcement)?

"Attention American women, please remember to deodorize your vaginas
before commencing your workday today. You'll be sitting cross
legged in a cubicle all morning a good cubicle neighbor and
please deodorize...."

aaaaaaaand I'm sure at this point, I could just ramble on about The
View, Lillith Fair and shoes for another 3 paragraphs and no one
would complain.It's safe to assume any menfolk who may had been
reading this entry, stopped reading a couple of paragraphs ago..]

So, I naturally wondered what scents are available for this product. It would be nice to be able to infuse the air around me with the scent of "birthday cake" or
"morning sea breeze" every time I open my legs.

<-Pictured. What I expected of my vagina after Vagisil Wash.Not Pictured. My disappointment.

I looked through the website. No such luck. The only scent available is 'Light and Clean". What the hell does that even mean? Pfft.

Before you start forwarding that the cast of Glee was steamrolled to everyone on your contacts list, I should probably inform you was not.***

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