Craigslist ad I posted to offer my services as a "Sound Effect Assistant for Every Day Life"

For just 7.25/hr. ...I will follow you around with a stereo and an archive full of sound effects, ready to turn your life into an episode in a British comedy..

I will be ready to make you feel better with a "laugh track" when nobody found your ethnic joke funny because you're white.

I will be ready to play the "sad trombone" sound when you witness an epic FAIL as you're stalled in traffic throughout your morning commute.

I will be ready with an ironic "drum roll" when that relative at Thanksgiving -whom everyone already knows is gay, stands up to 'make an announcement'.

The next time you're at your child's little league game and forget you're not at home yelling at the TV..... I will have the "censor beep" ready at hand to spare the children's ears and sanitize your profanity laced tirade aimed at the referee.

I will cue the "Darth Vader" theme from Star Wars when your boss walks into the room.....

All this and more when you hire...ME...your SOUND EFFECT ASSISTANT FOR EVERYDAY LIFE!

You can hire me for a couple of hours throughout the day to make your work day a little more entretaining...OR...Make an appointment today to book me for your next: corporate event, bar mitzvah, AA meeting. Whatever. *









As long as this "whatever" is a 2 hour minimum.*

Location: Utah County

I'm curious about what kinds of responses I'll get...perhaps I'll post them in a future entry..

nothing cheers me up quite like posting joke personal ads on Craigslist

Nothing.

"May contain peanuts."

Ever wondered who lobbied the FDA to include this label on those snacks you so non-chalantly devour? That's Right. ;)
As a child, I had to regard each trick or treat fun-size bar I pulled out of my makeshift sack as a potential chocolate-covered poison dart that could put me in a coma.Few know the pain. I am good looking-save for the pencil sized trachaectomy scar on my neck.
I'm looking for a woman who can administer my Epi shots with all the grace and prestige of a Mayo clinic nurse.I share a swanky, dust-free apartment with my two hypo-allergenic cats: Sniffles and Atchoo. Some women collect shoes, i collect dust masks. I have a stylish, sickle and hammer bearing, red HEPA that was used by China's Premier, Wen Jiabao, during the S.A.R.S. epidemic! So, I may not be able to join you in blowing the seeds off dandelions in the springtime.....but on the plus side, I'll never ask for flowers for Valentine's Day...."